There are times when it pays to know a little bit about everything.
Specifically those times are:
#1. Pub quizzes- truly the playground of the trivia monkey
#2. Potentially awkward social engagements, eg partner’s Christmas do- the ability to spout nonsense about nothing in particular is an effective ice-breaker
#3. Journeys in black cabs- for obvious reasons
Those times are not:
#1. Driving back late from a night out and hearing a sudden bang from underneath the car
Tonight was a prime example of the ‘not’ list. You might like to picture the scene:-
Me, friend, my car, A41, Watford (the Harrow end), dark, cold, tired, loud noise under car
Immediately after the loud noise, the car was found to be making a series of repetitive but unusual noises. With no discernible change in the handling quality I made the following assumptions:-
#1 *winding down the window and stamping repeatedly on the accelerator*
“Well it doesn’t sound like it’s blowing so I don’t think the whole exhaust has gone”
#2 *Speeding up and slowing down*
“I think it’s just knocking a bit”
#3 *Grasping at straws now*
“I think maybe a stone flew up and we’ve lost a knuckle off the exhaust”
My suggestion, based on my recorded appraisal was to press on for as long as possible, in other words until the car fell apart in style of clown car. We’re talking about a 45 mile journey here…
For the sake of clarity I should really explain that I am not a car mechanic. I know nothing more than the few grains of knowledge I learned in a very brief introduction to car maintenance at 6th form, combined with the odd nugget that my dad taught me before cars changed and I realised I was never going to be Charlene*. What I have got is an overactive imagination and an “i can do that” approach to life.
You don’t even need to tell me that an exhaust doesn’t have a knuckle…. of course it doesn’t, but it sounded good at the time.
What you could tell me is next time my car makes an unexplained noise that continues, pull in. It might turn out to be a flat tyre and I may be lucky enough to have an AA man detour to get to me in record time (15 mins) and I may be on my way again in no time having helped lovely friend devour huge bar of dairy milk from 24hour garage.
Luckily on this occasion I wasn’t alone, so lovely friend told me, and for that @fluffypantz I thank you…
*Kylie Minogue’s character in Neighbours for anyone young enough not to remember *sob*