Those were the exact words that flashed through my mind this weekend when my darling OH, who having offered to make me a sandwich, declared that he didn’t know what to do with a spring onion. Now before any of you rush in with a copy of “Veg Preparation for Dummies”, fear not; I have no doubt that he does know what to do with a spring onion, but he wanted to make me a pork sandwich, same as he was having, not a tomato, mayo and spring onion sandwich as requested.
I didn’t say the words, I held my tongue, waited till I was halfway up the stairs and gesticulated wildly which, as we all know, is the proper, mature way to deal with any marital disagreement. I ended up with something approaching my original choice of filling and no hurtful words were said….least said, soonest mended, apparently.
Naturally, not one to miss the opportunity to blether on for no good reason, it got me wondering how I could translate this into a blog post, and after reading Heather’s post today about paranoia and the potential for people to say hurtful things behind the veil of the internet, I wondered if we are all beginning to move on from the old adages.
I’m a great believer in honesty, and I’m no fan of bitchiness but neither am I a saint. I do wonder though if the two are related? If we feel unable, for whatever reason, to speak the truth does it fester inside us, itching to find its way out through whatever means? Is bitchiness the pressure valve that pops whenever we feel we can no longer keep a lid on things?
As someone who has previously been (fondly-ish) referred to as ‘Acerbic Tongued’, I guess there are times when my reputation precedes me. My MO is generally to be open, to say is as I see it, but never to intentionally wound or hurt. The difficulty comes in judging a situation and knowing when to stop.
In any relationship there are times when honesty is absolutely necessary, regardless of the consequences. However, when it comes to spring onion in sandwiches, it’s really not that big a deal – is it?
Things like that used to drive me batty, have me saying something smart-mouthed and unpleasant and cause a sulk (because we don’t fight in this house, we sulk). These days I just ignore it for the most part, or like you wait till I’m in a safe place and pull faces or gesticulate wildly.
I’m all for keeping the peace these days.
Chive and let chive, I always say…
I find that people who are stessed or unhappy, for whatever reason, tend to bitch more. I am thinking about specific people here, so trying my best not to generalise. I am more likely to let rip if I am under pressure but for saying that I have learned to not sweat the small stuff so don’t do it very often. LOL at your title btw 🙂 Jen.
LMAO. At this post, at Heather’s. (yes heather am laughing at you cause you are blimey nuts for being paranoid)
I would have, with a big smile, come over, shown him just how to cut it so that in the future there is no more excuses like that. Let’s see him use that excuse again after you have shown him.
I find that if you choose to “lose” an argument you need to do so wholeheartedly. If like you , you find yourself muttering in anger to yourself, then you should have said something, even something like I really did want the spring onion but if you cant cut it, then okay I will do without. In your situation it may have just been more honest and better for you. Just try to do it in a genuinely nice way.
Good post.
As I have got older, I have found that my toleration level seems to be lower but I think I am learning to pick the right time (or should I say a better timne) to confront. I also try to gather other views fiorst. That’s probably more about trying to feel confident I’m right rather than spreading the engagement! Never mind! As long as I’m learning!!
PS Still not getting email larets for posts. Have signed up 3x!
I’m a mutterer or on the stairs but I am also now deciding when issues are important enough to have a mutter, gather my thoughts and then go back in for the kill. I feel much better for getting stuff off my chest as reasonably as I can. After all these years together I think I am finally learning which things matter and which don’t! Great post!
I try very hard not to say things outright and to think before I speak….. but I call a spade a spade and ususally the words are out there before I stop to think.
If he says something, I can huff too and will just dis-engage til he apologises or makes me laugh.
Sometimes with fairly sensitive issues (eg MIL) I will say nothing and wait as he may then say what I’ve been thinking and it’s ok if it comes from him.
I try to live by what goes around comes around, but I am a typical tactless Northern Sagitarian and sometimes I forget to put the mouth in gear before engaging the brain, as happened with the MIL post.
I do try though
I’m not very good at confrontation, so tend to be more of a sulker. Having said that, I do nag my OH about some really annoying things he does that annoy me. I try & stop myself in the name of marital harmony. I don’t think that always saying it like it is is very helpful, can even be damaging in a relationship. If you’re in it for the long haul then you both need to be nice to each other, even if you’re not neccessarily feeling it on any given day.
On the bitching about others front, I am guilty of that from time to time. Generally I think I’m quite a kind person, but if someone is really winding me up, I’m more likely to have a bitch to someone else than I am to confront them about it. Having had a serious and rather damaging confrontation with a flatmate a large number of years ago, I’m very wary of going down that route again. So yes, I use bitching as an escape valve occasionally.
PS himupnorth’s comment is definitely best of bunch!
Never mind bitchiness and paranoia, I would just like to say that spring onions are a hugely big deal. I ate almost nothing else during my second pregnancy – needless to say no-one wanted to sit next to me, including my partner!
There’s a fair bit of both in this house…but I agree with you, keeping the peace is more important. Truth be told, I did tell him later on what I’d thought, and that his penance was that I was writing about it in my blog – he took it like a man 🙂
I try very hard to remember that if you’re not going to say something nice don’t say it at all
And also that the internet is always there, yes we may be shielded behind our computer screens but actually those comments are out there to live and haunt us – would I want my girls or my Mum to find me saying something horrid?
So yes, I often find myself dealing with the internet in the same way I deal with Mr, by walking around the corner and gesticulating whilst having a good old swear !