Anyone else feeling a bit jittery today?  Our Parliament is in limbo, the last leadership debate has been run, the Mail is convinced that Cameron is the clear winner and there seems to be a distinct lack of sense being spake.

Whatever the outcome of next week’s election we’re facing a lot of change.  Our national debt is (surprisingly) bigger than my mortgage and no matter how hard the PM candidates try to kid us, we’re going to have to start raiding the kids’ money boxes to pay it back. We all know that money doesn’t grow on trees, but something else does – at least in my constituency…..

I live in the North Bucks constituency of John Bercow, speaker to the house and all that.  On a recent stroll down the footpath to my children’s school I glanced over to the park, it’s all very pretty:

with one small, but necessary blight:

Strolling back up the path after dropping off the 3yo, I happened to glance skyward. This is the sight that presented itself:

and this:

and this:

Sh*% happens, but it doesn’t generally package itself in a Tesco carrier bag, throw itself up a tree and lie in wait for a particularly throaty gust of wind to release it flatulently down onto an unsuspecting passer by.  That takes human intervention.

How bored does one have to be to forage around in a ‘poo bin’, select appropriately throwable bags of faeces and launch them skyward? And who would take such a risk? It shows rare stupidity confidence to carry out such an operation don’t you think? The odds of #branchclingfail must be huge – how would you explain that one to your parents?

AHA! There – did you see what I did? I made an assumption that the perps of this civil outrage are hoody adorned, spotty and sullen, aka The British Teenager.  That sadly maligned section of society.

And d’you know what? I think I might be wrong.  It could well be that the blame lies at the opposite end of the spectrum, with the original teenagers. Because whilst our own 13-19 yos are sitting at home with their Skins box set and hot cocoa, discussing politics and religion, the Gillian Duffy generation are staging a rebellion.  Replete in tabards and marigolds they sneak out of their sheltered housing of a night, ripping up playgrounds, stealing traffic cones and roadsigns, defacing billboards to their hearts’ content.

Banksy isn’t really some uber-cool, 30-something Bristolian funkster.  No, no, he’s 86, on his second hip replacement, gunning about on a mobility scooter – as anarchic as they come.

So much for the silent majority – the uprising has begun.  Is it any wonder GB went back to make a personal apology? He’s obviously heard about the knuckle-dusters 😉


This post was written for Tara’s Gallery – Week 9.  The prompt was ‘Portraits’.  Go visit the Gallery – it’s awesome!

Portait of a country in flux
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12 thoughts on “Portait of a country in flux

  • April 30, 2010 at 10:45 am

    I would be very cross to actually see it I think and fuming to be the person one landed on. I can see children younger than their teens (maybe 10 & 12) thinking this was hilarious, and I can understand why to a degree. Ugh at the thought of rooting in the bin for the bags though, very yuck! Jen.

  • April 30, 2010 at 1:30 pm

    sh**t happens……still laughing about that one. Brilliant for portraits, you must send it into the Guardian weekend mag when they do one on trees or gravity. Would def. win 🙂

  • April 30, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    I love the eclectic array of tags on this post. A group of words that were never meant to go together ever.

    Occasionally I feel that the teenagers of today are total hoodlums and tearaways and things are so much worse in todays broken Britain. Then I remember my teenage years (last Tuesday I think), and think things haven’t changed so much. Not that I ever put eggs in exhaust pipes of set fire to dog poo wrapped up in newspaper. But other people who were teenagers when I was did, I believe.

    *Walks away whistling innocently*

  • April 30, 2010 at 2:33 pm

    I bet you were trying to save these for Tara’s Gallery – you know she LOVES trees, don’t you?

  • April 30, 2010 at 4:47 pm

    Lucky you, having Bercow as your MP. He looked quite a forlorn figure on the news the other night, having to campaign (against the likes of that right wing twit Nigel Farage) when he traditionally shouldn’t have to. LOL
    There are some big decisions afoot for the new government. I’m a believer in better the devil you know. I like the devil we’ve got.
    That said, personally I’d like to see any ruling party lower the voting age and take it away from those over 80. Contentious? Moi? 😉

  • May 3, 2010 at 8:39 pm

    I’ve a postal vote so need to decide tonight and I cannot reach a decision (perhaps its information overload) – am scared if there really are a bunch of militant pensioners out there, actually come to think of it my parents are getting a bit political these days …


  • May 10, 2010 at 12:07 am

    I know – how horrible! It is despicable, more so because there’s no way of getting them down, so there they will hang until gravity takes its toll…. x

  • May 10, 2010 at 12:08 am

    I’ll consider that 😉

    Forrest Gump never had to tolerate this, I’m sure… x

  • May 10, 2010 at 12:10 am

    You’ve unwittingly discovered my favourite pastime….the more eclectic, the better!

    Nothing really changes, and at least in our day we had things to do – actually no, we had nothing either did we? Hanging out outside the chippy doesn’t really count does it? 😉

  • May 10, 2010 at 12:10 am

    She’s started a campaign – she was outraged! x

  • May 10, 2010 at 12:13 am

    As I later realised, Bercow is my neighbouring constituency MP, and owing to the fact that he’s the speaker, he didn’t have to stand against any of those nasty lefties – only the BNP and UKIP! Luckily we had a more even choice in my constituency – didn’t make any diff of course, but at least I had my say.

    Interesting thoughts there….I get it about lowering the voting age (ish) but not about taking it away from the elderly – we just need to get them onside! 😉

  • May 10, 2010 at 12:14 am

    You see! They’ll be after you with their placards….. hope you voted, I’m terribly late with my comment replies but we’re still none the wiser…. we wait and see how it’ll all turn out 🙂

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