Oh no, here she comes again full of comforting smiles and familiar phrases.

Leech-like in her tenacity, she won’t leave me alone anymore. I’ve done everything I can from the subtle to the full on, head – brickwall – obvious.

Why won’t she just go away?

There was a time that I craved her company, when it felt as if she touched everyone except me.  I was the pariah back then, desperate to be part of the in crowd, to dress the same way, to hold myself in the way that she gifted the others the confidence to.

I should have realised then, should have stopped courting her, noted the warning signs and run a million miles.

But I kept on pushing, urgently claiming my right to her.

Stupid cow….

And now look.

Look how tightly she clings to me.

See how no one else can get as close as they used to.

I may as well be invisible.  Everyone else has forgotten I ever existed.

Except the one.

The one who didn’t get away. He ignores her most of the time, or tells her exactly what he thinks of her.  He listens when I say I want her out of my life and he does his best to support me, to steer me in the right direction.

She hates him, although she’s done her best to cling to him too but he’s shunned all her attempts.

If he can do it, why can’t I?

There’s no reason, none at all.  She’s got a million other friends that’ll welcome her.  It’s not like she really even needs me, but she wants me, wants me to need her.


No more, This time it’s different.  I’m too old to keep falling for the same old lies, she’s going to lose this battle….


A tale by Paula Battle, aged 37 and (more than) a half, documenting her ongoing fight with the flab… 😉

The Unwelcome Friend
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27 thoughts on “The Unwelcome Friend

  • May 30, 2010 at 8:53 pm

    Fab blog today I too am battling it.trying this Dukan diet to see if I can get rid of my friend too. Initially when i read it I thought it was about a person as there are peole like that about. WAs relieved to read the last line.

  • May 30, 2010 at 8:59 pm

    There’s LOADS of blog posts about losing weight at the moment – I’m convinced it’s because as the weather warms up, we are shedding the layers and noticing more – myself included. I could easily do with losing a whole person 😉

  • May 30, 2010 at 9:06 pm

    Thanks Caroline. I liked the allegorical aspect and nearly didn’t include the last line, but didn’t want anyone to read it and think it was about them! I must look at the Dukan properly, so far I’m just cutting right back on carbs but I’m not seeing a fast enough change! xx

  • May 30, 2010 at 9:07 pm

    Absolutely true I’m sure Nic, and in my case a (not so) small person has moved in and is taking up far too much room. She needs evicting! x

  • May 30, 2010 at 9:15 pm

    Like Caroline really pleased for the last line! God I hope you find the answer to get rid because not only will it make you a fortune, we’ll both lose weight (I’m copying!)
    Excellent piece of writing!

  • May 30, 2010 at 9:37 pm

    Thanks Julia, I’ve a feeling it might be more simple than I’m making it but I have this terrible aversion to giving up chocolate… x

  • May 30, 2010 at 10:42 pm

    Brilliant, I had this dread reading it thinking of a person and was relieved when it wasn’t, and realised it may as well be. I completely understand. Am very much feeling the same way myself at the moment but also suffer the curse of chocolate. Good luck, I will follow with interest. Maybe we should get some kind of group together? Put up a page for a weekly ‘how did you do this week’. Hmm, now I am tired and rambling. Vanquish thine enemy Paula:) Jen.

  • May 30, 2010 at 11:20 pm

    That’s a fab idea Jen – maybe we could kick off the Twiz with a ‘How did you do this week?’ session?! Then drown our sorrows, LOL.

    I think you get to a point where ‘it’s time’. I’ve reached it….I can’t pretend that the food I eat doesn’t count any more, the way it didn’t when I was 20-something. It’s going to be hell but I feel like it’s now or never *dramatic sigh*


  • May 31, 2010 at 7:06 am

    Susie – is this you in disguise? Back away from the Donut? I love it!!


  • May 31, 2010 at 7:27 am

    I have lost a bit too… but purely by not eating as often and as big a portions as before .. takes some will power, but I think about a stone has gone ……. and no eating late before bed !!!!!

  • May 31, 2010 at 7:31 am

    A great tale, such clever writing. I want to join you on your mission and I’m totally with you on the chocolate *sighs*. Good luck!

  • May 31, 2010 at 7:39 am

    Love the idea of a group blog on weight loss, we could share recipes and hold hands on bad days! I am trying to lose quite a bit and it is not working out so far…

  • June 1, 2010 at 1:36 pm

    LOL, that’s a very good sign! Thanks Chris x

  • June 1, 2010 at 1:39 pm

    It’s deffo the late night snacking… that and the fistful of biscuits with every cup of tea!! A stone is great progress – that’s about what I want to lose. 🙂

  • June 1, 2010 at 1:41 pm

    We should deffo all do it together – a bit of support makes all the difference. I’ve had a couple of days off over the bank holiday and am really keen to get back to healthy eating again now. *stuffs Mars bar wrapper down back of sofa* x

  • June 1, 2010 at 1:43 pm

    I think you have to be ‘in the right place’ to do it. Something suddenly clicked in me recently and I’m doing ok so far – haven’t weighed myself but things are starting to feel better. I think the idea of a group thing to support each other is really good, let’s do it! x

  • June 1, 2010 at 2:21 pm

    I blame Twitter…..it has a lot to answer for….all those encouragements to open the wine, have a biscuit, some chocolate.;0)
    Good luck….it’s so hard isn’t it *wail*
    I love the way you’ve described ‘her’ x

  • June 1, 2010 at 3:02 pm

    Oh I know where you are coming from – mine is compounded by babies and bed rest oh and the small matter of no self control!

  • June 1, 2010 at 7:11 pm

    Twitter is an excellent scapegoat! It’s so hard and seems to get harder every year *double wail*.

    Thanks lovely xx

  • June 1, 2010 at 7:12 pm

    Well at least you have an excuse! I used baby weight as the excuse for 2 years then had to admit it was just flab…..I wonder if you can buy self control at Tesco? x

  • June 1, 2010 at 7:13 pm

    Slowly is good, slowly is permanent…I’m having a little relapse already but I will vanquish her! x

  • June 4, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Er I’d hardly call it flab after seeing your figleaves shots Hon! Great post though – very clever! The older you get the harder it is to lose it – there are so many of us who feel the same way. I just love my food too much to be a skinny minny! xx

  • June 4, 2010 at 6:56 pm

    Flab! You are having a giraffe!! OMG! Me too by the way!! It’s the sun and the youth with their long legs. Have you started watching thin people to see what they eat? I have made it almost an occupation. Nice blog….I too thought it was an ex. friend.

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