It’s not been the best of weeks chez Battling. Sending our youngest off to school has been a trial. A week of unsettled tears from our 5yo hasn’t helped and at this point everything feels terribly raw, our emotions bubbling beneath the surface, ready to spill over with only the slightest provocation.
The only one who seems to be coping is the 8yo and he’s loving school, completely inspired by his teacher and really thriving. At home it’s a different story and recently it’s been really tough.
We’re well aware that we’re making things up as we go along with him, and that we often get it wrong. We’re conscious of the judging eyes of those around us and this makes it harder still. Earlier in the week I read this post about a mother who loves but doesn’t like her son very much at the moment. It was a brave, heartfelt post and I could empathise with a lot of what she said. I commented and, in that typical fashion when you leave a comment on a blog you don’t know very well, when I read it back I instantly regretted what I’d written – smug cow springs to mind.
This morning I wrote this, it sums up pretty much everything I’m feeling right now:
What do you do?
What do you do when you’re floundering as a parent?
When you really don’t know where to turn for fear of making another mistake?
When your instincts are letting you down and lack of sleep and clear thinking are taking their toll?
What do you do when everything you’ve learnt feels wrong?
When the ability to reason departs?
When you want to be calm and considered but find it hard enough to keep your own temper, let alone teach them how to keep theirs?
What do you do when you feel that you are letting your child down?
When every day contains tears and accusations?
When the smallest things become volcanic problems and all escape routes are blocked.
What do you do?