What follows was not written by me – it is a Blognonymous post. If you’re unfamiliar with Blognonymous please click on the link and find out more. Our poster would like to remain anonymous and really appreciates you taking the time to read and comment. Thank you.
My husband wants to leave me. But he’s not sure.
How do you deal with that? How am I supposed to behave?
This started a long time ago. He has been, in his words, sad for a long time. He doesn’t want to engage with me and our child, or with our extended families. He struggles in situations with mutual friends, on holidays, out of his comfort zone.
He sees the world as a dark place. Bad things happen. And you can’t fix them. It seems he thinks you just have to let everything happen to you.
Personally, I think he’s depressed, or suffering from stress or anxiety. He, on the other hand, won’t speak to anyone who knows about such things. He doesn’t want to pop a pill and says counselling doesn’t work.
But those years of trying to help us with those issues seem pointless now. He was just about ready to admit there was a problem.
And then he realised. Then he realised that there were times that he wasn’t sad. Times he wasn’t stressed. And if that were the case, it couldn’t be in his head.
And those times? They were when he was in the company of other people. Specific other people.
His friends from school, with whom he goes on the occasional lads night out, and comes back happy and relaxed (and drunk).
And another woman.
He’s not had an affair. But they have grown close. She has issues of her own. She needs him.
He’s not leaving me for her. But it’s made him think he’s in the wrong place. Living the wrong life. That he needs to work out what he wants.
We’ve been together over 10 years. We have a child. I am the strong one. I’m the one who’s held it together through some tough times. What am I supposed to do with this information?
I don’t want him to stay out of obligation. I deserve someone who loves me completely. I refuse to beg him to stay. But I don’t want to let him go too easily. His problems will follow him. He’s running away. A part of me feels that I should be supporting him. That he needs me…
I’m scared. And resigned. And sad. For the first time, through years of him being sad, I am sad.