Today I was a working mum, not a WAHM which is my usual moniker, but a ‘Go out and leave kids in childcare mum’. It’s not something I usually have to deal with. Generally I manage through the generous help provided by my mother-in-law on a weekly basis and juggling acts performed during Pre School, in the evenings, weekends, any spare minute I can grab etc.
But today I had a meeting that was a good drive away and was due to go on later than MiL could stay, so with The Boy Wonder invited out for tea, that left middley and littley daughters to plan for. I chose to try the bigger ones’ after school club. MiL was to drop off littley at 3.30 and run for the hills as she was reunited with her big sister. They would be fed and watered and provided with entertainment and I could pick them up anytime before 6pm.
As it was, my meeting finished early and I flew back to the school to spy. Then when I’d done a bit of tweeting, written up my notes and withheld the urges long enough, I walked in expecting to find the tear drenched faces of my girls.
But no, what was this? When I eventually found them, the youngest grinned, started running towards me and in the space of 10 metres, stopped, growled and threw herself on the ground shouting at me to go away. The eldest wouldn’t even acknowledge me.
They had *horror of horrors* enjoyed it. The fussy eater had eaten ALL of her dinner. They didn’t want to leave. They tortured me for a good 20 minutes before I could even bribe them to come with me (any sooner and I’d have had been dragging them out).
I felt redundant, and I didn’t like it one bit. It made me realise that in a few very short months when my youngest starts school full time, this could be the norm. I’m not sure I’m ready….how am I supposed to cope?
LOL. My 3yo (also due to start in September at “big school”) goes to a nursery on Tuesdays and Thursdays. When she moved into the preschool room and her brother went off to school, we had problems with her for the first time in ages (she’s been there a day a week since she was a year old) crying at drop off and randomly crying during the day. I started taking it easy on her and putting her in control of drop off (she didn’t seem to like going for breakfast anymore). Things solved themselves quickly.
Today, I arrived a little later than normal to pick her up. She’d just started colouring in a rocket with pink crayons. What did she do? Shouted “mummeeeee” then went straight back to her colouring and I virtually had to drag her out of the door to get home for a good time for her to have her tea.
LOL-makes us wonder no?
I remember this very well. It’s disturbing (parental rejection) and joyous (independence and socialising) at the same time. Mine are now much older, 16 and 12, and it’s much the same feeling when I pick them up from sleep overs, foreign trips, rugby tours. Although they’ve grown out of the throwing-themselves-on-the-floor-screaming thing! Parenting: toughest job in the world.
I am not sure either, I have been putting off finding paid work, as I want to spend time with my boys, but money issues mean I am going to have to and this makes me feel better about it
It doesn’t get any easier as they get older. I cried the first day of school & now when DS (33) visits, I cry wehen he leaves. I think if you look carefully, it’s in the job description!
Much as I get driven mad by the endless demands of three children under five, I always remind myself that in a few years it will be very different. They seem to become independent so quickly these days and personally I’m dreading the realisation they won’t need me as much as they used to. My eldest starts school this September so I think I may get some of these feelings then. Poor you, motherhood is so emotionally tough.
Its so strange isn’t it, that funny feeling of slightly redundant mummy. Then you get them home and realise, actually, they do still need you.
I have enjoyed observing when my children start to show independence whether at nursery, home or school. Some mum’s have been shocked by that and don’t get me wrong, I’v had my moments of crying when they start school, wobbly feelings when they first go to nursery etc etc.
Longer term though, I’ve found the independence to be liberating for them and for me. I see it as part of the cycle of motherhood as you move into their next stage. Enjoy the freedom during those few hours, Lord knows it will be years yet before you entirely redundant to them and then I expect we will all be weeping together in a little virtual huddle.
MD xx
Parenting is just a continuous journey of letting go. I am facing my eldest going off to Uni in a year and it breaks my heart. I can’t imagine life without her. But no doubt I will get through it. Your girls look gorgeous – no wonder you don’t want to leave them!
I sobbed each time one of my children started “big school” and now I sob when they come back! Just kidding – but, in reality, when they get older and do more and more “firsts” and they generally become more independent, you do get used to them not “needing” you quite so much – or so it seems.
I currently am Chief Babysitter for my daughter, Bank of Mum for son #1 and the Taxi for son #2. They still need me but in their own, ungrateful way.
I wonder what would happen if I went on strike?
Wait until you have to leave them at Uni!!! xx
This is something I dread. My little one is way to precious. Gerroff my little one everyone!
We. Just.Can’t.Win!
Good news that you’ve found such a positive solution though 🙂
Px
As does everything! Oh, for an easy life 😉
Px
Isn’t it? And I don’t know about you, but I’ve been at it 8 years and I’m still waiting for the pay cheque!
All very bittersweet, but I am of course proud of them and their independence…it’s just a bit tough 🙂
I’m not sure there’s ever a ‘right time’. In my head I had pictured September, when all of mine will be at school full time, but of course it doesn’t work out that way, and even then there’ll still be a world of logistical complications to deal with.
Good luck with your return to work. 🙂
Px
I think you’re right J, and I wouldn’t have it any other way, but sometimes I’d love to be able to get inside their heads and work it all out!
Px
Same here….no matter how tough the day is, the minute they are all asleep I just want to go and sit with them and watch them in their perfection. Good luck in September…I’m preparing to wave my youngest off to school then and I’m not expecting that to be easy!
Px
LOL at us weeping in a virtual huddle…I’ll hold you to that! And you’re right, of course they do still need me yet I’m constantly surprised at how rapidly it changes, and how the situations that I expect them to find difficult are the ones in which they shine.
Pxx
That must be REALLY tough…I’ve just noticed that my own mum has left a comment lower down saying exactly that! Good luck, I’m sure she’ll thrive…and come back, for toast and washing at the very least 😉
Thanks, they are gorgeous…and a right handful!
Px
The world would officially come to an end, that’s what! You are the hub, and as ungrateful as you say they are, they obviously couldn’t cope without you.
You didn’t mention that you’re also now Nana to 2 beautiful girls!
Pxx
Don’t!!! They’re never leaving….we’re building a little cabin in the garden, tell Dad to bring his tools 😉
xxx
LOL, it is really hard, especially leaving them for the first few times. All 3 of mine have been through the same pre school though, and because I know and trust the staff, it’s actually been lovely to have that little break, where you know they are safe (and loved) and to return to them with hands full of artwork and clothes covered in paint!
Sending them to the after school club did shake me though…after a long day, I thought they’d collapse into my arms delighted to see me… the fact that they collapsed on the floor was a bit gutting!
Px
My daughter is the same at play school, never wants to leave until all her friends have left and the old people are piling in (its in a community centre and they have a lunch thing there that day) It’s heart breaking in so many ways but it also makes me wish i could give her chance to go to play school more often. she really needs that interaction and we are so isolated where we live.